A Paid "Donation"

THE EGG AND SPERM THAT MADE EACH CHILD met in a glass dish. In most cases, their genetic fathers never met their genetic mothers. The genetic mother was a so-called "egg donor," a woman who agreed to give some of her eggs to an infertile couple - for a fee.

In the decade since egg donation became available, thousands of infertile couples have turned to donors. But it's a controversial practice. To donate eggs, a woman has to receive hormone injections and undergo surgery. Some medical ethicists don't like to see healthy women put their bodies at risk so others can have babies - particularly when a so-called donor can make many thousands of dollars in fees. Still, the number of donations rises every year. Helane Rosenberg, who runs the egg donation program at IVF New Jersey, says egg donation is booming because so many baby boomers are reaching middle age, when they're no longer as fertile, and then deciding they want babies. Rosenberg says her typical client is a woman who postponed having a family to get a career off the ground.

"They said you could have it all," says Rosenberg. "Well, you couldn't." These women find they waited too long, and their bodies won't cooperate with their family-building plans. Often, an older woman can carry a baby, but she can't produce the healthy eggs to make one. If she wants to go through pregnancy, she has to get eggs from a younger woman. The resulting child isn't genetically related to the birth mother, but many donor moms say being pregnant and giving birth is what's important.

At the party, donor mom Rebecca Blankstein sits gently stroking her infant son, Marcus. "He's been mine really since the day of conception," she says fondly. "Isn't that right?" she asks Marcus. He yells a little, and she offers him his Ernie doll. Rebecca's husband, Lee, says the boy is "like the apple of my life ... Every day it's just a miracle to come home and have a son."

Lee says since he and Rebecca could not conceive the old-fashioned way, he "had no problem doing it this way. It's fortunate we were able to afford this." The Blanksteins paid about $18,000 to have in vitro fertilization with a donor egg. At some clinics it costs more; at others a bit less. And most couples have to try more than once to get pregnant. Odds are, they won't have a baby on the first try.