Judy Schmidt
A Personal Journal Reflecting On Aging
June 14 | June 15 | July 16

	Reflections of Judy Schmidt June 6: Not Really A Day Off June 7: Wilma the Ringleader June 8: Hard to Get the Younger Seniors Involved June 9: Asking for Help is OK June 10: Making Friends June 11: Saying Things We Don't Mean June 12: Negativity June 14: It's Nice to Make A Difference June 15: Working Conflicts June 17: Wish I Could be a Hero June 19: Getting Busy June 20: Time to Slow Down

June 14: It's Nice to Make A Difference
Well, I have not been able to keep up with the journaling lately. Been really busy with the caretaker position and my three jobs down at the senior center. I am hoping things will calm down a little bit. It is nice to be busy, but I know it is very important to take time for myself.

I have been very excited about my position as a Respite Director. I have an Alzheimer's client that is very active and I finally found employees who are going to work with him. He is a very nice person and his wife is also. I have seen how frustrated and burnt out his wife is, though. I understand her situation because I see this quite often. I just hate to see them get so close to being burnt out. It is almost as if I would really love to help her out more than just having him in the program. Both of them are on vacation right now and will be back soon. I am so looking forward to telling her the good news. I truly feel I have done some good in this case.

Sometimes I don't see all the good things I do when working with seniors. It is like when you look in the mirror and you are not sure you like what you see, but when someone else looks at you they see all the good things. I am always very hard on myself, always trying to push myself to do better and scolding myself when I don't. Sometimes I don't even realize the good I do until someone else points it out.

I work with a senior at the Senior Center named Lois. She is so very nice and I really enjoy working with her. She gave me something that she had written in her journal. She said such nice things about me and applauded me on all the good work that I do. After I was done reading it I did not know what to think. It made me feel so happy inside that someone actually saw some things I was doing that were good. But then on the other hand, I wanted to be very modest about it, too. I do not want to brag. I really think that is sad that I do think that way. I hope that I can change that part of my thinking and just feel proud of what I do and that I do a good job.

June 15: Working Conflicts
I started work at the senior center at 1 pm today for the Respite program. A woman Alzheimer's client was suppose to come down but our bus driver decided that she did not need to come down, even when I told him that she was scheduled. So I went around and around with him about this for about 20 minutes. Finally I told him that this program is a serious program and that client needed to be down here. I let him know exactly where I stood.

I really felt good about doing that, but now I am not sure why I am so mad. He rubs me the wrong way. He thinks he is busy if he has three pick ups in a hour's time. Sharon, my boss, used to drive the bus and said it was a lot busier when she used to drive so I don't see what he is complaining about. Sometimes, what really gets my goat is when he just does not take Sharon, Lois or me seriously.

Well, hopefully this is all going to change. On Monday I am going to make it very clear to Sharon that this is not right and something really needs to be done. The only thing that is going to relax me is to squeeze my stress ball. Maybe it might squeeze some sense into our bus driver. From now on though, I think I am going to tell it like it is to his face. I really don't care if he listens or not, it will feel good to do so.

Of course, after all this happened, I went to help Lois with her big rummage sale and told her about it. It was great to have her to talk to, exspecially when she totally agrees that the driver was in the wrong. I felt good knowing that I did the right thing. It also makes me feel better when I do talk to Lois. She is up front and honest and doesn't beat around the bush. That is a good quality to have, I think. Not very many people are able to express their feelings that way.

June 17: Wish I Could be a Hero
I am so busy trying to get everything ready as my husband and I going down to visit our family. We are looking forward to the break and to seeing them. It is almost like being a kid going to the fair for the first time. By all means I will miss the seniors at the apartment but I need to take breaks from them. They are good people but they do act like kids in some aspects.

I have become very close to a couple of them and I worry about them. I like to make sure that everything will be okay while we are gone... get all my ducks in a row. I am kind of anal that way -- at least that's what my husband tells me. He seems more the laid-back type. He does not take to heart anything that happens in the building. I, on the other hand, do. I guess that means either I'm a people-pleaser or I that just really care about how people are and how they are doing. I would rather hope that it is the second one than the first.

My husband and I went to see Pearl Harbor last night. It was a good movie with lots of heroes in it. After the movie I was doing a lot of thinking and my husband asked me what I was thinking about. I told him that I wished I could be a hero. He shrugged his shoulders and said, "Come on now, it was just a movie."

Well, that was the end of the heart-to-heart discussion with my husband, but there seems to be something inside of me that would love to do more. I really truly want to help and do the right thing. I feel that it would be nice to have people remember me for the things that I have done.

Lois is a really close friend -- even though she could be my mother. I think that she would tell me what she thinks about how I feel. She is so good at saying the right things and doing the right things. I really truly look up to her.

I think I know what she would say too. She would probably say, "Judy, come on now, you are already a hero for taking care of the seniors like you do." But even though she would say that to make me feel better about the situation, I still feel there is something missing. I really have not been able to pinpoint it yet. But maybe someday day I will.

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