Judy Schmidt
A Personal Journal Reflecting On Aging
June 17 | June 19

	Reflections of Judy Schmidt June 6: Not Really A Day Off June 7: Wilma the Ringleader June 8: Hard to Get the Younger Seniors Involved June 9: Asking for Help is OK June 10: Making Friends June 11: Saying Things We Don't Mean June 12: Negativity June 14: It's Nice to Make A Difference June 15: Working Conflicts June 17: Wish I Could be a Hero June 19: Getting Busy June 20: Time to Slow Down

June 17: Wish I Could be a Hero
I am so busy trying to get everything ready as my husband and I going down to visit our family. We are looking forward to the break and to seeing them. It is almost like being a kid going to the fair for the first time. By all means I will miss the seniors at the apartment but I need to take breaks from them. They are good people but they do act like kids in some aspects.

I have become very close to a couple of them and I worry about them. I like to make sure that everything will be OK while we are gone, get all my ducks in a row. I am kind of anal that way—at least, that's what my husband tells me. He seems more the laid-back type. He does not take to heart anything that happens in the building. I, on the other hand, do. I guess that means either I'm a people-pleaser or I that just really care about how people are and how they are doing. I would rather hope that it is the second one than the first.

My husband and I went to see Pearl Harbor last night. It was a good movie with lots of heroes in it. After the movie I was doing a lot of thinking and my husband asked me what I was thinking about. I told him that I wished I could be a hero. He shrugged his shoulders and said, "Come on now, it was just a movie."

Well, that was the end of the heart-to-heart discussion with my husband, but there seems to be something inside of me that would love to do more. I really truly want to help and do the right thing. I feel that it would be nice to have people remember me for the things that I have done.

Lois is a really close friend, even though she could be my mother. I think that she would tell me what she thinks about how I feel. She is so good at saying the right things and doing the right things. I really truly look up to her.

I think I know what she would say too. She would probably say, "Judy, come on now, you are already a hero for taking care of the seniors like you do." But even though she would say that to make me feel better about the situation, I still feel there is something missing. I really have not been able to pinpoint it yet. But maybe someday day I will.

June 19: Getting Busy
Lois and Sharon are starting to tell me that I hang around the seniors too much, as I am always forgetting things. I guess they think it is wearing off. I think it's that I have so many hats at the Senior Center. Having three different jobs at one place is very difficult at times. I like it, but it can be confusing. I know for me, though, it is nice to be able to always have something different to do. I am definitely not a person who can just do one task. I don't like to have too much routine because it makes things a bit boring. Excitement is the key for me. I love being so busy that I almost can not think. It makes me feel good and very important. And I suppose, in some ways, needed.

I do love my jobs, but there have been times where I feel like throwing in the towel. It is not easy working with seniors. Some can be very blunt, almost to point that it hurts. There were some women today playing cards and after they were done, they had some coffee. I thought I would go out there and join them. One of the ladies looked at me and said, "Your cheeks are fat." Then she starts looking at all of me and says, "You are getting fat." I almost did not know what to say. I was taken by surprise. I sat there for a moment and thought, "That was a mean remark and I wonder if she really knew what she said?"

So I said to her, "You know I am married and sometimes that happens." To me that is a known fact. She kept stating that I was fat. So I told her, "If you don't have anything nice to say, maybe it is best that you say nothing at all."

I believe I am there to serve the seniors and help them in anyway possible, but rude comments like that, I truly believe, are not necessary. Now this senior does not say to much to me, but I am still very nice to her and I hope someday that she will be able to go beyond what was said.

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