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A homeland diary
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The diary (MPR Photo)
Soua Yang, 16, is the oldest of nine kids in her family. She thinks she was born in a Thai refugee camp, but doesn't know for sure. "When my mom was fleeing to Thailand I was still in her stomach," she says. "I think she was eight or nine months pregnant and I'm not even sure where I was born, I was probably born in the forest or on their way to Thailand." Soua lived in the refugee camp until she was 2 or 3 years old. Her parents moved to St. Paul to be with an uncle who was already here. She wanted to go to Laos to see what life was like for her parents before they moved here. We asked her to keep a journal of her trip.

Minneapolis, Minn. —
Dec. 21, 2002
We went to the airport in Minneapolis at 6:00 a.m. Chris Brennan came to pick us up and send us to the airport. We got on our plane at 9:00 a.m. and flew for three hours to Seattle, Wash. From there we took a 10-hour plane ride to Tokyo. I should mention also that there were tons of Asians (not including Hmong) in Seattle; a lot of them were cut. We saw most of them through all our plane rides.

We got to Tokyo and it was 4:30 p.m. on Sunday Dec. 22, 2002. Weird how the day changes because of the different time changes in different countries and parts of country. We are now on the plane and it's a 747. Oh I should also say that in every plane that we've been on, we're always sitting way in the back, but that's cool though, we aren't surrounded by too much people. Anyway,s like I said, we are on the plane and should be taking off to Bangkok, Thailand in maybe an hour.

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Image Soua Yang

Dec. 22, 2002
We just arrived at the Bangkok airport and we're going through the line to go an get our luggages and meet our guide. But when it got to my turn, they wouldn't let me go. Me and Mai both couldn't go pass that point. The guy who we were with was telling us that we immediately have to go back to the U.S. And Jeff kept on asking him if we could do anything about it. It turned out that we needed a visa to enter Thailand which we don't have because no one ever told us we needed one. So we are taken away from the rest of the group with Jeff and a guy who works at the airport.

Jeff asked him if there was anything else we could do and somehow Jeff figured that we could go to Laos and get papers to enter Thailand, then enter Thailand when we get our visas and meet up with the rest of the group.

My immediate reaction? Cry! Cry! Cry! I tried to hard to keep it in but it wouldn't. We have done so much and finally when we get to Thailand, find out that we have to fly back immediately. That really sucks.

Anyways so we stay in an office waiting for whatever, and we're trying to ask them if Jeff can go back to Gunnar and Kate and get a copy of our paper that gives us permission to enter Laos. So they finally let Jeff go and it turned out he couldn't go past the gate where we were stopped at and Gunnar and Kate weren't near.

Luckily Gunnar and Kate walks up the stair. Just the right moment and Jeff go the papers and came back.. Then we met this lady from Britain who is Thai and she talks to us and gave us an advice about what to do.

She suggested that we go talk to a police station and tell them that i was born here so that I can get legal documents that would make it OK for me to come back to Thailand.

She had an expired passport and went to the same office we were in so that's how we met. Anyways she had to go but before she left she had said that if we are totally stuck, then we can call her dad who is a British doctor in Thailand for 40 years and gave us his number to his office in Thailand. So that's what you see at the beginning of this journal entry. So after waiting for a time, which was pointless because we didn't even know what was going on.

So anyways, we had to go in a room so we can rest for a couple hours because the ticket line wasn't open yet for buying tickets because Jeff was going to buy tickets for us to go to Laos. So Jeff walked with us into a little office and they wouldn't let him go farther than that point. So he had to go back and wait until the airline opens so he can buy tickets while we stay in a room. So Jeff left and they opened a door that was locked and the first things that I saw dark was 5-6 pairs of dark legs laying on some cheap mattresses and I looked at their faces and they looked like they were from African. And then there's too rooms to the left and in one of them was some guys who were smoking. Then we enter a room through another door and the first thing I saw was two ladies who are sleeping. And at the end, there were two one-inch mattresses that folk up and the lady who brought us in put on new sheets and gave us one blanket.

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Image A sketch of the detainment area

Right across from where we were sleeping is a bathroom with very dirty rusty unclean toilets and one shower. This place looks like a prison. When we first entered and I saw those legs, I immediately thought that it looked like a prison and I told Mai and she agreed. We are both really scared because we are in a really dirty room. They don't even have shampoo or soap for us to take a shower. Neither did they have towels. This place is totally like a prison. How awful!!! Anyways I went and took a shower and the water was warm to your hands but cold to your body.

It took me a while to get use to the water. I had taken some handsoap from the sinks to take a shower with. I took a shower and got out and is writing in my journal now. The door that leads to this room has a little window and bars on it. There are guys that keep looking in our room at us. These guys don't look like they work here because they were the guys that were smoking when we first came in.

It's really scary because they would look through the window for a long time. And you would think that if you stare back at them, that they would go away, but they wouldn't. There are guys that work here that would come in and clean a little here and there and they would horseplay and one of the guys said to the other, "Fuck you, mother fuckers," and walked out. There are guys that keep on walking in; that's why me and Mai are not going to sleep.

Well... We decided we weren't gonna sleep when we first walked in because this place looks like a prison, plus there are a lot of guys in the next room who keeps peeking in. In our room there are bed sheets, blankets and pillow all over on the floor. This place is not clean at all; even the lady who brought us in and made our beds wouldn't step on the floor with her bare feet. She would step on the sheets that was on the floor and move across the room with it.

After writing this journal for awhile, I had remembered that I have my cameras with me, so I took a couple pictures of our room. A couple minutes later, a guy who works here came in and told me that I can't take pictures. What if I do? Are they gonna do something to me and plus what's wrong with taking pictures?

Anyways, whatever, I'm gonna take more pictures. Oh yeah, when I was taking pictures, I made sure that the people who worked here wasn't near but I guess they found out because of the flashes they saw through the window.

Oh I should also mention that they had asked me if Jeff was my husband and I said, "no, just a friend." So here we are sitting on our mattresses reading and writing, waiting 'til Jeff comes back after he had purchased our tickets to Laos. And now it's 4:00 and we have on one more hour to wait.

A guy who works here just came and took us to go talk to a lady who questioned us about our visas and what we are going to do because we can't stay in Thailand and we told her that we will be going to Laos when jeff buys our tickets. She said she would go talk to the immigration office about us going to Laos because we have permission to go to Laos.

In the room that we were talking to this lady , there's a TV with that shows all the rooms with people in there. I guess that's how they found out that I was taking pictures because there's a camera in our room too. I guess I can't take the camera into the bathroom to take pictures because the camera would catch me taking the camera into the bathroom.

Oh there are two bed sheets spreaded on the floor and when the game came in to clean, I noticed that he didn't pick it up; he spreaded it more which made me more curious and suspicious, but I can't do anything because the camera is in our room.

Oh, and about the TV that I was looking at, it has pictures of at least 4-5 other rooms with people sleeping on the floor etc. This was from the cameras that were in the other rooms. so now I'm back in this room, feeling safer that if I was in the room with guys. Now we're just waiting for the women to come back and tell us what will happen. next.

I don't want to fly back to the U.S. I would be sad and ashamed. Hopefully everything will work out. Can't wait to get out of here. I hate this place. It's freezing in here.

December 22, 2002
It's about 4:15 a.m. and a guy who works here just came in here and slept on the folded mattresses at the corner of the room. He is sleeping there. I guess he's here to watch us.

It feels so weird that everywhere we go, someone who worked here had to go with us and stay close to us.

OK, so now it's 4:45 a.m. and we just went to talk to the lady who we talked to before. She took us and we went to find Jeff. When we found him, they talked and then jeff went to exchange money so that he can go buy tickets for us to go to Laos. Again, we had to stay close to someone who worked at the airport.

It's so annoying, it's like they think we're gonna run away or as if we were really bad people. So anyways, we got to see Jeff for like 10 minutes, then had to return.

So it turns out that we have to stay here until 7:30 a.m. instead of only until 5:00 a.m. We hate this place. How can we stay here for three more hours? It's terrible!!! So Jeff is going to take a taxi to the Manhattan Hotel in Bangkok to get all of me, Mai's and Jeff's baggages and then come back here to buy the tickets and meet us at 7:30 a.m. at the airline (gate to go to Vientiene, Laos. Someone will come get us at 7:30 a.m. to meet Jeff at Northwest to go to Laos. Money is a big issue now because I don't even know how much money Jeff got because he just spent $700 U.S. dollars on making calls to the U.S. and then $330 for the tickets and I only have $250 with me. Hopefully everything will work out fine.

December 23, 2002
So at 7:40, a lady from Northwest came and got me and Mai and we went through the security and met up with Jeff. He told us that he was so scared for us, he didn't want us to be in the detention enter. He said he tried really hard to get us out but couldn't. He told us he had to cancel his passport so that he could stay with us, he had to renew it and pay for it. When he cancelled it, he had to stay in one spot and someone was always watching over him.

It was a really tough night for all of us, including the rest of the group because they were worrying and not knowing what was happening to us. Anyways, Jeff called Gunnar at the Manhattan Hotel in Bangkok to bring all of our luggages to us so that we can fly to Laos. They came and brought our luggages but me and Mai didn't get to see them. The last time we saw them was when they wouldn't let us go through the gate and I was crying, which I don't think they notice because they were far away.

Jeff was with them and told them to wait for us, that we were taken away. Jeff had to go back to them later on and tell them to take our luggages and get our visas to Laos. Oh yeah, they only reason Jeff met Gunnar was because the British lady named Fiona told Gunnar to go up. We got lucky again. Anyway, everyone gave Jeff hugs. So anyway, Jeff bought our tickets to laos on standby, meaning if anyone buys more tickets, then we would get bumped out and then we have to go back to the U.S.

And, again, we got lucky and flew to Vientiane, Laos on the airplane, this only took 45 minutes. We then went to get our visas, which we needed two passport-size pictures of ourselves but didn't have it. Somehow we still got through. It cost us $90 to get our visas. Then we got our luggages. I was happy to see my luggage.

Jeff has checked in our luggages for us since we couldn't go out of our detention room. He said the luggages weighed a lot. So after getting our visas , and our luggages, we went to exchange $260 U.S. dollars into Lao money, which was kip. We got like a big stack of money.

Oh, and on the plane to Vientiane, I met these two Hmong Yang guys who were going to Laos to find out the Hmong history. They got money from their school to go to Laos, which was not enough. They had to pay for their own tickets and they lost most of their luggages on the plane. So they didn't really have anything.

Anyways, they were people that could be related to me. They live in marshall, Minn. They are going to start a Hmong history center. They helped us a lot. They spoke Lao and got us a taxi to go to the U.S. embassy to check in to Laos, and they went with us and helped us, then they got us a taxi to the travel company and that was the last time that we saw them.

When we got to the travel company, they were closed for lunch. Then around 1 p.m. they came back and we talked to them. They were extremely nice and helpful. We then got a hotel to stay in for 5 nights ($35 a night). We were planning to pay only $50 a night for a hotel but this travel company hooked us with a very nice hotel that was rally cheap, because they gave us a voucher. The five days included free breakfast. They also helped us get a private minibus to go to Luang Prabang to meet the group on the 29th, and this was also really cheap ($10 per person).

They then gave us a map of Vientiane and some do's and don't packets for us and for the rest of our group, when we meet them. We then got a ride to our hotel and in our room, which was room 204, we have a little refrigerator with bottled water, energy drinks and bearlao, which was lao beer. This was free. We also have a toilet that flushes, a shower with hot water, and an air conditioner.

Right outside our room is a patio where people eat, dance and sing. There was also karaoke. Because it's New Year's here, everything is decorated and everything has fancy lights. So when we got into our room, we all settled for like 5 minutes and then I went to take my shower. Taking a shower, being clean in new clean clothes, and sleeping was all that we really looked forward to. We all stank so bad. I really regret not taking a shower before we left Gunnar's and Kate's house. So did Jeff and Mai.

After we all took showers, we went to sleep and then woke up at like 6:30 p.m., and me and Jeff went to get dinner. Mai was dead asleep and didn't want to get up, so me and jeff went, and we told Mai that we would bring some food for Mai.

Mai stayed behind while me and jeff went to look for food. We went to a Sri Lanka and India food restaurant and I got garlic chicken and Jeff got spicey chiden with fried rice. he also got a beerlao.

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Image Meekong River

After we were done, we went to get some food for Mai and some lychee for me. At the restaurant these two kids came to us, trying to get us to buy stuff, which we got ripped off bigtime. While we were eating at the Indian Restaurant, me and Jeff had a great talk. Well anyway, after buying some lychee and food for Mai, we went back to the hotel. Mai was still dead asleep. She didn't even eat the food we got her. She woke up, but went back to sleep.

I ate some lychee then went to sleep and Jeff also went to sleep. During the night, I woke up to go use the bathroom and then went to sleep. Jeff woke up during the middle of the night to turn off the air conditioner, which took him 10 minutes to figure out how to turn it off. This was not when I woke up to sue the bathroom, it was after because when I woke up, the air conditioner was still on. Mai also woke up during the middle of the night, because she was hungry. She at the rest of all the lychee we bought. Then she went back to sleep.

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Image Temples

Dec. 24, 2002
I woke up at 7:30 am and listened to my walkman. A little later Jeff and Mai woke up because of my loud music. The I brushed by teeth and we all went down to the restaurant downstairs which is part of the restaurant and got our free breakfast. After breakfast we went to by more lychee and came back to our room and ate it all. Then we all walked to the Mekong river and we bought a whole coconut from an old lady and she cut off the top for us and gave us a straw to drink the juice inside. We then walked back to our hotel. On our way back we bought some papaya salad and took pictures in front of some temples. We also bought some water bottles and then came back to our hotel. After we put everything away we went to get lunch at a restaurant across from the hotel. We got like a bunch of food because I was trying to explain to the lay what I wanted. I wanted noodles w/chicken and they didn't have that on the menu so I was pointing to two meals but only to the word chicken and noodles but she didn't understand so she wrote those two menus down. Mai ordered something then Jeff ordered something. We ended up with a ton of food because of my bad explaining. I also at my papaya which was HOT!!! We then went to buy some bananas (the small kinds) some more lychee, and oranges and came back to our hotel and Mai ate her oranges and Jeff ate his power bars and a banana and I drank a bottle of energy drink. After that I listened to my music and then all of us wrote in our journals which is what I am doing now. Right now we are thinking of places to go. We are gonna go to the Revolutionary Museum in a little bit. Anyway this is the en of my writing for now. My hands are dead tire from writing. We have gotten unlucky many times but again we got lucky so many time. We love Laos, it looks more like our homeland, it also felt more like it. From the moment we got off the plane we loved it and didn't want to go back to Thailand but Jeff kept on suggesting that we try anyways. So we did but we didn't want to go back to Thailand. The only reason why I want to go to Thailand is because it's where all of my mom's cousins are and because Pranat Nikhom was there. I feel bad I won't get to video tape my mom's cousins and bring it back to my mom to see. For real now, I'm gonna stop writing. Bye.

Dec. 24, 2002
3:25 pm
I just got done taking a shower. Well, so far we went ... or attempted to find the museum of Revolution but couldn't find it but we past by a lao bowling center. We walked in a huge circle around the city trying to find the museum and getting back to our hotel. We finally found our hotel and came back then chill. We want our traditional lao massage so Jeff went to take a shower then I went after him. We wanted to be clean when we're getting our massages. So now, we're just chilling. Mai's writing in her journal, Jeff's reading a Ghandi Book and I am listening to music and is writing in my journal. Soon we'll go get our traditional lao massages. Bye.

7:30 p.m.
Most importantly, I have to write about this first before anything. We had gone to the Sri Lanka and India restaurant and were eating. We were all done with our food and was waiting for our check when an old man walked by, from the corner of my eye I was that he had no right leg and was using crutches to help him get around. Mai saw him too and we both turned away. He was standing by our table waiting, hoping to get some food or money from us. Me and Mai couldn't bear to look at him, it was such a sad scene. I wanted to cry but kept it in. Then he left because the restaurant worker told him to go. I was so sad I wanted to give him money so I asked Mai if she would go give him some money and she couldn't do it either. We both couldn't bear looking at him, it was such a sad scene to see so we asked Jeff and he said that he would. I though really wanted to do it so I built up all my courage and asked Mai to give me 5000 kip and I added on 5000 k more because I felt so sad and that money could really help him. I then I went to find him. Jeff asked me if I was sure and I said yeah. I then took the money and went to find him. When I saw him, he was counting his money that he had gotten and I started to cry but stopped when I got to him. I didn't want him to see me cry. I went up to him and gave him 10,000 kips which was a lot and I pointed to the money and handed it to him and pointed to him hoping that he understood that the was for him and he said thank you and I walked back. By that time, all my tears had been built up and I just let all of it out. I walked back crying my eyes out and Jeff gave me a hug and held my hand which was inappropriate to do but it was to give me comfort and Mai said that it was okay and then we walked back to our hotel with me still crying and Jeff holding my hand still trying to comfort me. Now this was what I wanted to see. It was the REAL thing that's been hiding. This is my country. This will definitely help me understand my history and people more. This is what will help me to change into a better person. So we got close to the hotel and I apologized for crying. I felt much better so Jeff let go of my hand because it was inappropriate anyways and we went in our hotel room and I had to pee so I peed then I wrote in my journal which is what I'm doing now because I don't want to forget it or forget the feelings that came with courage and the heart of giving and helping out other people who's lives are worst than yours. I wanted to write about this when I'm still feeling sad.

This was a great experience. I just really wished I had had my camera or that Mai or Jeff had theirs but no one did. Too bad we couldn't capture that moment in a picture. We can only picture it in our heads.

This old man reminds me of my dad because he had hair like my dad's.

What a Great Experience!!

I'm sure we will see more of this out in the country.

Anyways now that I feel better I will write about what we did before we went to the restaurant where we saw the old man.

We just got done with our great traditional lao massages and were feeling great and smelling like vapor rub. It was like 5:30pm and we wanted to go out to dinner because everyone was hungry so we walked around looking for restaurants to eat at. We finally found a restaurant that Jeff really wanted to go in and eat at so we went in. There was more then 100 choices of menus to pick from. We all finally picked something and ate. My eggrolls that I ordered had a long piece of hair in it and I stop eating. I was complaining to Jeff and Mai and they were so tired of me. Anyways there like 6 girl pretty girls in the restaurant lookin' at us eat but looking at Jeff in particular. They were putting on their make up and looking and smiling at Jeff. Jeff was so uncomfortable and wanted to get out so when they were done eating we paid and left. While we were eating Jeff had said that there was something fishy about the restaurant. He had thought that they were prostitutes trying to get with Jeff. He kept point out all the things that was weird. But anyway, we left and was looking for another restaurant because I was still hungry and because me and Jeff wanted beer. On our way to look for a restaurant we were joking around and having so much fun then I just decided that we are gonna go to the Indian restaurant and so I ate and Mai had fruits while Jeff had chocolate ice cream with Beer. how healthy is that? Well anyways we were having so much fun and were done eating until the old man came by and stood next to our table.

Right now I am on our patio watching the water fountain and people singing traditional folk songs. Right now I have no idea where Jeff is and it's kind of worrying me because after we got back he wrote in his journal and when he was done, he went to the bathroom for maybe 5-10 minutes then he came out and left without telling anyone where he was going.

It feels so weird right now, no one is talking. Just like when we saw the old man. We couldn't stare or talk at all.

Dec. 25, 2002
Merry Christmas!

Today I woke up early because we went to sleep early last night. I woke up around 4:45 a.m., and stayed up since then. I just listened to my music. Then at 7:00 a.m. everyone woke up. Then we went to buy some lychee, grapes, mangoes, and another version of lychee. After that we went to breakfast and it was a serve-yourself breakfast buffet.

After breakfast, we went to see the revolutionary museum, which is now called the Lao National Museum. They hardly had anything about the Hmong people, but what they did have that was bout the Hmong people was bad stuff. Some pictures, I could not look at. some were like the movie that I saw about the persecution of Hmong people by the Lao PDR. They basically just had stuff about how the Lao people were persecuted by Americans, French people, and Hmong people.

It never even mentioned about what they did to the Hmong or Americans during the Vietnam war or whatever. The museum just made them look good and everyone else look bad. Anyways, we went to a market across from the museum and we bought papaya salad three times. Then we walked around the market and Jeff saw some books on Che Guevara and then we walked around more and heard some Limp Bisket and Linkin Park and Jeff was so happy. We then walked around more and me and Mai bought a beerlao shirt.

We then walked back to our hotel room and rested for a bit and then walked past the market to a Lao restaurant. The restaurant was so fancy. Anyway, the food was great. AFter that we came back to our hotel, then went out to find some temples, but Mai got us lost. So we just walked around and a bunch of guys were hollering at me. Ever since I got to Thailand, everyone thinks I'm Thai so they talk to me in Thai. But when we got into Laos, everyone thought I was Lao, but I'm not. Oh and everyone loves to stare at me. I don't know why.

Jeff finally came up with the conclusion that people only stare because of me, not because of him or Mai. Maybe because I look like someone famous or whatever! They just love to stare. It's so weird how people stare at me forever and how people talk to me in Lao or Thai, assuming that I am Lao or Thai. Anyways, we walked to the Mekong River and had coconut juice fresh right from a coconut on the shore. Then we walked along the Mekong and took pictures and walked around more.

We then visited a temple, then walked back to our hotel room. Now here we are watching MTV and chilling in our room. Soon I think we might go and get some dinner because it's 6:30 p.m., now. I gotta call Mai Kao's boyfriend soon to tell him I won't see him soon.

Dec. 30, 2002
Today we woke up, ate breakfast then went sight seeing and to the Hmong Market. Everyone there was begging me to help them out by buying some of their artworks and I bought from these two very old ladies and then everyone started asking me to buy stuff from them so I did I. I also gave away a lot of money to them. They were Hmong people who came from the mountains to sell artworks to make some money. One of the lady was 95 years old and has a dying husband. Her eyesight was also bad. After that we went to eat lunch and then more sightseeing. We went to tons of temples and we went to see one on top of a mountain which is the center of the city of Luang Probang. Then we went to a local market where I bought some cd's and a ring then we went back to our guesthouse and chilled until dinner, we went to the same restaurant as lunch. After dinner we just hung out and try to get in reach of Kate and Jeff's parents.

The next day was kind of the same as the day before. I can't really remember what we did before lunch and after lunch. For dinner we went to a kind of fancy restaurant and then went to the New Year celebration. Oh wait now what we did on the day before was on today. I can't really remember now. Anyways we took a lot of pictures of some kids. We felt so famous because there was people taking pictures of us too. Today was such a great day. Everyone was happy.

Happy New Year.

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Image The road to Sayabouri

Dec 31, 2002
Today we woke up and ate breakfast. After breakfast we drove to Sayabouri and our guide had said that it would take 7 hours but it only took 4 hours so we arrived there early and went to our hotel which looked nice from the outside but the inside was so messy and nasty. Sayabouri is a really quiet and empty town. It feels so empty. I didn't feel well there at all. Anyways we went to the local market and bought some silly strings and candies etc. After that we went to eat lunch at a Phớ place. Kate and Gunnar like the Phớ. They're so funny. They can't pronounce Phớ and was making fun of how you pronounce it. They were saying how it sounds like the F word. Anyways after lunch we went back to our hotel. We also found out that we couldn't stay overnight in the village because that would get us in so much trouble. Everyone was disappointed and mad that whoever was to suppose to tell the travel company that we wanted to stay overnight did tell them or couldn't get us to spend a night in the villages. Anyways the place had already given a bad feeling and whatever. I wasn't feeling good already and people have to make it worst. So I went to sleep after lunch. This was when Jeff was being pounded at for not being able to get us to spend a night in the villages. Anyway I didn't hear anything. I wasn't even there to start out with. At 3:00pm Gunnar woke me up and we went to see a water dam thing and stayed for a new year celebration. That celebration was crazy.

We sat at a table and got papaya salad while Gunnar, Kate, and Jeff drank beerlao. The papaya was nasty it had raw whole little fishes and raw fishes that's been smashed. I ate until I saw the fishes. Anyway, I was still in a bad mood. This old crazy guy from the table across from us came and made us drink beer which didn't taste all that bad. Some people kind of got mad at this dude so he went back to his table after our guide told him to. So we left and on our way to the bus, Jeff told me that everyone was blaming [him] for not being able to stay overnight at a village. This even made me feel worst than how I was feeling before. The reason was not because he got me made or whatever. It was because he was so sad and plus we were talking about how if there was no "us" then this trip wouldn't happen because we spent so much time and energy to make this trip possible. So then we reached the bus and said we would talk later. So when we got back to the hotel we had a talk with the whole group and two girls walked out of the room making us all sad and showing us that they don't care or whatever. Anyways the talk was really intense. It was about the whole situation with Jeff being blamed for things that he can't make happen because of the government. Anyway there was a lot of emotions involved and tears also. The first time ever that I see Jeff cry. Well... I'll write more later.


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