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Carol
Greenwood
A
Personal Journal Reflecting On Aging
June 17 | June 18
June
17: Being a Middle Child
The other day I mentioned losses as in teeth or toe nails and that made me think of a book I'd read twenty years ago, "Life is Goodbye Life is Hello" by Alla Bozarth-Campbell. The messages from her book gave me permission to look at my life with kinder, gentler eyes. Our family had its beginning during the depression years and that impacted our code of behavior. We did not complain, boast, or call attention to ourselves. My family consisted of Father, Mother, older brother, myself and younger sister. I never heard of the middle child syndrome until I studied Psychology at college.
All this sudden understanding as to why I felt like I did was marvelous news to me. Later, as my own family was growing up, I had occasion to learn more about family systems and I ate that up like manna in the desert. I digress.
I started all this with losses but I think some background is helpful for my understanding that it was okay to grieve change (teachers, friends, neighborhoods, getting married, parenting, health issues, being retired) without the label of self-pity.
I'm delighted at the thought of another birthday, as it is a sign of
another of God's miracles. The women I hang out with here in Grand Marais
are, for the most part, 10 to 20 years older than I, and they are terrific
role models.
This is a quote from Alla's book:
The art of aging goes like this: two or three silver hairs caught
sparkling in the sun at twenty-four; vagrant laugh lines appear at
thirty-six; double dry martinis at forty-two and an hour earlier to bed
at fifty.
Finally what one waited for comes with such clarity and relief: the
disguises breaks down, mask of adulthood cracks, wears out, peels off and
the forty year deception of being grown-up crumbles completely into original
childhood's honest joy somewhere after sixty.
Or a magic zipper allows us in and out at will all along the way, if we're
good.
June
18: Sticking to a Routine
Think I'd better write now, as a severe weather watch is headed in our direction and I will turn off this machine when it starts to rumble.
Today we decided to take a ride to Thunder Bay. It was a spur of the moment trip, something we do not do very often, and we had a great time. Saw a bull moose next to the highway and some turkey vultures having fox for a entree.
I've been thinking about routines and how they are a benefit and how they get in the way. When our family was young we had many people to consider in the schedule so every activity was rather flexible. As the children left home I became more friendly with routines, though I must admit, I could easily become more laid back than rigid. I rather prefer spontaneous responses, but I have a few responsibilities that require some structure. Like feeding our pets, watering the plants, cleaning the house, making meals and burning papers.
I do prefer to have meals within a certain time, and go to bed around a certain time. If I could imagine living without responsibilities to others, I'd probably be a hippie and wander around giving cookies to strangers and bringing home stray cats. So in that light, it's better for me to have some sort of routine.
Routines also give me a sort of security and a feeling of some control in this crazy world. I often feel the need to get off the merry-go-round and sit back and watch the grass grow. Oops, it starting to lightning, so good bye.
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