MPR: Aging Gracefully - An Individual Perspective

June 19: Ministers
I know that advance health-care directives are very important. I have one and have helped others do theirs—but then when your friend hands you one and you are one of the people who will make decisions, it makes you think!

Yes, I will take the responsibility—I am the one who pushed for her to do it—but I hope I do not have to make those decisions, at least not for several years. Yet if someone does not have one, who makes the decisions and are they the ones you would have wanted?

After years of pushing others, I finally did mine about a year or so ago. With nine kids, I felt that it was important to have it in writing so that no one would argue over anything. I chose the daughter that has the most medical knowledge—and the youngest son. I think they have appreciated having it in writing and the discussions surrounding the reading of it. I did state that I wanted to have all medical treatment possible for illnesses, unless I was Very Demented (some or maybe all have thought I've been demented for a long time, hence the 'Very').

I have seen these directives work very well for families. Wishes are made known and no one has to feel guilty for decisions that the writer wants. You don't need an attorney to do these directives; all they have to be certain of is that it is notarized or signed by two witnesses who aren't your designated person. And the directives aren't just for us seniors. The forms are available at hospitals, clinics, and many senior centers. Be certain that your doctor, clinic, hospital, etc. also have copies—good to carry one with if you are a snowbird.

Off the soapbox and on to journaling.

Judy and I spoke with the local Ministirium today. Ministers play such an important role in the lives of seniors and their caregivers. We were asking for their help in promoting our Alzheimers/Memory loss respite program. We are finding that caregivers wait too long to get the respite that they need. We have a lot of stoic Scandinavians around here! I hope that they heard what we had to say and will forward referrals to us. They are a great bunch of people and are always there for our community.

Speaking of ministers, my youngest son called today to tell me that he had been the subject of a priest's sermon over the weekend. I got a little nervous there for a while—after all, my son had imitated Tina Turner in 7th grade. Well, I guess he has matured. He works for a restaurant in Wayzata and there was a couple in the restaurant and the woman was in a wheelchair. She had to go to the bathroom and the bathrooms were being remodeled. The other ones were upstairs. Well, he simply carried her up the stairs so that she could take care of the situation.

My son is caring, strong, and knows that if this lady is anything like his mother, when you gotta go, you gotta go! (Ask him about our car trip to Arizona.) His customers are still talking about what he did. He has always loved and enjoyed seniors; those who knew him when he cooked part time at the senior center still talk about him. Hey, all my children are great adults!

I best not ramble any longer as I have to take my friend to the surgeon in Duluth tomorrow. This surgeon is very nice, so we won't have any medical stories to tell, but I know we will have interesting discussions on the journey. I am also going to introduce her to Goodwill—hey, I'm an experienced member of Bag Lady Tours!

June 20: Easing the Pain with Humor
This morning was off to a great day with a hike for three miles along Lake Superior—how lucky I am to live in such beauty, I must take more advantage of it! Then 110 miles to Duluth with a friend for her final medical appointment before a double mastectomy.

Today there was an admission that she is getting depressed over the whole thing. What can one say other than that would be pretty normal. Then the reality sets in after seeing the doctor and hearing that it would happen this Friday. This fits my schedule and I really want to be there for her. Our concerns about Friday surgery were alleviated when we found out the surgeon was on-call all weekend and would be there everyday. To me the worst thing that can happen is to have surgery on Friday and then find out that your physician is going somewhere for the weekend and you will be dealing with someone you have never met—been there, done that!

Then our humor got sort of out of whack—a few weeks ago I had bought a turkey and she wanted to know what brand it was; I stated "Missing Parts." Now she refers to herself as Missing Parts. Then we went on to discuss how many missing parts one could have and still be alive; believe it or not, a lot! It is amazing how we will use this humor to hide or deny the feelings of loss, sadness, anger, fear, etc. I believe we both know that they are there, but if we really talked about those feelings, we would have to stop the car and bawl our eyes out. Guess there is nothing wrong with that, but us sometimes-too-stoic women don't want to do it! So I guess we will get all the pew sixers to pray for us and get all the prayer chains in town going—we'll do what we need to do tomorrow—and go back to Duluth on Friday.

The good news is that I can stay over and pick up four of my grandchildren and bring them back for a week or more with grandma. Bible school in the morning, swimming at the pool in the afternoon, hot dogs and s'mores on the beach if it doesn't rain, and grandma will be in bed before they are! I love the bumper sticker, "If I'd known having grandchildren was so much fun, I would have had them first."

Allegedly tomorrow is the first day of summer (it doesn't feel like it) but I think I might plant the window boxes in the morning. Sure hope it warms up enough to get rid of the flannel sheets soon.

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