Chrissy Schwarting
A Personal Journal Reflecting On Aging
June 12 | June 13

	Reflections of Chrissy Schwarting June 7: Rising Anxiety Levels June 11: Grandpa Out In Public June 12: Good Days and Bad Days June 13: A State of Confusion June 14: Talking to the Mirror June 18: Being Spied On June 19: Getting Frustrated June 20: Losing Touch with Reality June 21: More Memory Loss June 22: Grateful For A Half Day Off

Well, Grandpa absolutely hates having the windows open. He thinks that the house is going to get cold, and he also sees the windows as being broken when they are left open. So this evening I let him shut the windows in the bedrooms but did not want him to shut the windows in the living room area. He became obsessed with shutting the windows and I became equally obsessed with wanting them open. He would go from window to window and study them for a minute before attempting to close them.

I was on the phone at the time and had to keep interrupting my conversation to tell Grandpa to leave the windows open. He would listen for a minute and then move on to try to attempt to close the next set of windows. Pretty soon however, he started to ignore me. I would ask him to leave them alone and he wouldn't even say a word to me and would continue to shut the windows. This went on for about 15 minutes when I finally was about ready to blow my lid and I had to walk away and go into the other room. I had to let him close the windows in order to save my sanity. (I later reopened them after he went to bed.)

Shutting the windows also upsets my aunt Linda tremendously too. It will be much better once we finally get our new air conditioner installed. Then he can close the windows all he wants to. It's kind of funny how each of us (the caregivers) has our own breaking point. For me it's when he stares at me, and his tongue chewing (it's a condition left over from one of his medications; he will constantly chew on his tongue). I can't stand listening to the mouth noises all day long.

Once in a while when it's really warm outside, the closing of the windows will upset me as well. For Linda, the breaking point is the closing of the windows and his anxiety. For my Mom, the breaking point are the messes in the bathroom and his tongue chewing. We all have our good days and our bad days being there. We just try to recognize when we are starting to burn out.

June 13: A State of Confusion
I had a pretty good day with Grandpa. He wasn't quite as obsessed with shutting the windows today. We are getting our new air conditioner installed tomorrow—finally! He slept for a while this morning and I enjoy his naps. It always gives me the opportunity to relax as well. He started to become a little more anxious as the day went on. He kept thinking that a lot of people were gone. He would ask where everybody went. I think that the phrase "Where did everybody go?" would have to be the one phrase I hear most often. And the one that I've heard almost everyday for the last six years.

I always try to answer him by saying, "Everybody's at work today" or "They're all at home tonight". He will sometimes look sad and wonder why nobody wants to come over. Which is kind of funny, because usually when he has a big group of people over he wants them all to go home. I think he just gets really bored. His mind can't concentrate for very long on anything. I can't help but feel sad for him. He constantly lives in a state of confusion. He doesn't understand what is going on around him anymore. As long as we keep his stress level to a minimum, he does really good with his surroundings.

He became confused out on the deck right before I left to go home. My aunt Linda had arrived and we were talking on the couch in the living room. At the same time Grandpa decided to walk out on to the deck, which he doesn't do on his own very often anymore because he always thinks it's too cold outside. Anyway, he walked over to the big windows which are right next to the couches in the living room and he was talking to us through the windows. He was even trying to give me funny looks and laughing. Next thing we knew he was trying to shut them (of course) but he was also talking really weird. I think he was trying to come in through the windows. I told Linda that the other day Grandpa and I were sitting out on the deck and that he wanted to come in through those windows. It was really weird. Finally Linda called to him through the patio door to come back into the house that way. It was very sad to see him that confused. (But he still knew how to shut the windows!)

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