Chrissy Schwarting
A Personal Journal Reflecting On Aging
June 19 | June 20

	Reflections of Chrissy Schwarting June 7: Rising Anxiety Levels June 11: Grandpa Out In Public June 12: Good Days and Bad Days June 13: A State of Confusion June 14: Talking to the Mirror June 18: Being Spied On June 19: Getting Frustrated June 20: Losing Touch with Reality June 21: More Memory Loss June 22: Grateful For A Half Day Off

June 19: Getting Frustrated
Grandpa did pretty good today but was confused off and on. I shouldn't be surprised that he gets so confused, but sometimes it can be so frustrating. When I was trying to get him dressed I needed him to stand up, but he didn't understand me. I said, "OK, Grandpa, you need to stand up." He leans forward and looks at his feet, "Well they're right here."

So I repeated myself, "OK, but you need to stand up." He said OK but then proceeded to lay down on his bed instead of standing up. So I said, "No, what are you doing? You need to stand up." He then caught on to what I was saying and I think he felt kind of dumb. "Oh, stand up. OK." I felt kind of bad because here I am getting upset with him when he really didn't understand what I was saying.

The same thing happened later on today. I was giving him his afternoon pills and he couldn't understand how to swallow them. Every once in a while we have this problem. I'll give him his pills, give him a drink of liquid, and then tell him to swallow his pills. Then I have to check to make sure he took them by looking into his mouth. Well, today he would continuously take a drink and when I'd look into his mouth, he hadn't swallowed the pills. After a few tries he then tried to spit the pills out of his mouth. I said, "No Grandpa, put those back in your mouth."

He was also starting to get frustrated and a little mad and replied, "Well, what do you want me to do?" I said, "Put those pills back in your mouth . .. take a drink . . . now swallow those down, drink them down." Finally he swallowed them. It can be so hard when he can't understand the most simple commands.

June 20: Losing Touch with Reality
I'm sitting outside on the deck as I'm writing this, and I'm fascinated by how my grandpa is acting. I had him come out here with me so we could watch the animals down by the lake. After about 10 minutes he was ready to go back inside. He went to the screen door but it was stuck and he couldn't get it open. He then proceeded to walk over to the glass door and talk to himself in the reflection. This really shouldn't surprise me that he is talking to himself since I've seen it a dozen times, but this time it was just bizarre. He kept asking himself if he could come inside. He'd say, "Can I come in there? Can you let me in?" I would have gotten up and helped him, but I was just too fascinated by what he was doing. Plus, I figured it was keeping him occupied.

In addition to talking to himself, he also kept waving to me through the reflection. So I would wave back and he would start laughing. I then asked him, "What are you doing Grandpa?" He replied, "Flirting with my girlfriend." He really had no idea it was me he was waving to. He thought it was another woman. He would also look back at the real me, then turn to himself in the reflection, and do crazy circles with his finger while pointing at me as if to tell his reflection I'm crazy (which was pretty ironic).

After he realized he wasn't getting anywhere with his reflection at the patio doors, he then moved over to the big windows. He continued to talk to himself there as well. He also kept waving to me in the reflection. Soon he started to talk about me with himself in the reflection. He obviously thought I couldn't hear him. It was quite humorous. "Do you know that gal over there? Yeah, me too. She kind of goes around that other stuff."

He also started to look inside the living room through the screen and he proceeded to talk to someone inside. Except nobody else was home so I have no idea who he was talking to. Pretty soon he gave up and walked back over to me. Then he said, "Do you know all those women inside there? You know them all, right?" I replied, "There's no one else in there, Grandpa. Just you and me are here." He said, "Oh no. There's lots of ladies in there."

I guess the whole situation made me realize how far gone his mind is. It's so sad that he can no longer distinguish reality. It must be like having a really bizarre dream that you just can't wake up from.

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